did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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