He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Did I show you my penis last night?
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
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