farters have to be the big spoon...
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
