You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Randomize