I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
