you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
