Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize