1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Randomize
