yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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