Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
