im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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