my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
