I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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