boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
