my vag is so smooth its legendary
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
You're like the curious george of whores
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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