First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
Randomize
