I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
