oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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