In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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