Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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