i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
