I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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