4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
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