people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
