I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
