Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
