you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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