I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Randomize
