How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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