Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
