Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Randomize
