There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
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