His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
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