There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
cat food counts as protein by the way
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
is that a dick in a sweater?
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize