She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Randomize
