Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
