soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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