True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
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