No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Just pee around me
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Randomize
