What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Randomize
