marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
