i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Randomize
