you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
