He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
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