dude i'm inner monologue high
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Randomize