Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Randomize
