i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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