So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
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