I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
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