so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
