my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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