Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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