i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
