drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Randomize
