it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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