That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
