yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
My Higher Power is John Stamos
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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