I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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