I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
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