Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize