...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
