He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
