Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
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