i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
