Where is the hickey?
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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