So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Randomize
