I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize