Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
