here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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