I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
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