I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
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