He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize