Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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