I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
