She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
