i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
