I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
