I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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