It's Friday. Sex?
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Randomize
