Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
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