white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
last night I used snow as a chaser
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