so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
then he tried to convert me to islam
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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