Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
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