I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
