I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Randomize
