Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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