8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
