You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
