I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Randomize
