I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
