ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
