Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
