If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
