Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
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