my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
He did a backflip because drugs
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