she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
