my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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