yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Randomize
