my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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