btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
