So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I understand Curling. That high.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Randomize
