he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
