$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
