Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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