Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
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