I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
