I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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