You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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