also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize
